About 5 years ago my friend Jeanne & her husband Mike, gave Barrett and I a gift certificate ate a local Christan bookstore for Christmas. We got a marriage devotional bible. As part of "my new year", I'm going to start Reading and blogging on this every day.
Mathew 22:36-39 "Teacher, what is the greatest commandment in the Law?
Jesus replied; "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment and the 2nd is like it. Love your neighbor as yourself."
When I can truly love others, especially Barrett, the way that I love myself it's amazing but it's so HARD. I find it easier to love my kids; yes I get discouraged with them at time but in the end I know it's my job to step up and be the "bigger" person. It's my job as their mother to make them feel better - not really feel better, but to more or less make peace. When it comes to Barrett, however, I want him to be the "peace maker". I have that if he truly loves me, he'll prove it to me by making amends. Why there have been times in our marriage he's hurt me; the majority of the time it's been how I perceived the issue that causes the problem. Instead of loving him like I want to be loved, I want - no expect him to treat and love me the way "I" think "I"should be love. That's a false love and a lie anyway. I should not; can not be the judge on how to love or be loved. This is reserved for God alone. I can't read Barrett's heart & mind. I am to love him regardless of if he's showing love to me at that time or not. I think something interesting in marriage is that we all have our on aspects of love. I really like Gary Chapman's concept of the 5 Love Languages. Not only does is give me insight into who Barrett and his way of thinking, but it also show me who I am and how I can adapt better to him.