Disabilities Aren't Always a Bad Thing

I've been having a discussion with a group on Facebook about what's good about being in a wheel; about having a disability.  Now many people, both those who are disabled and those aren't, see this question and laugh.  Surely, there can be nothing good about having a disabled.  Uhm, I may beg to differ, depending  on the day.  I  was strangled at birth by the umbilical cord That caused me to have Cerebral Palsy.  I'd like to think that before I was born that God asked  me if I would be disabled for a reason.  I hope that through my struggles, I have inspired others.  I can look back at my life and sees the path that my disability has sewn: It's the reason my  family became Christian, the reason  I got to go to college, the reason I chose to major in Social Work, the reason I met my husband and so forth.  Most people see disabilities as negative, and while most disabilities have negative aspects that go along with them; but then again most people who breathe life encounter negative aspects that goes along with that life.    We all have two choices; we can either spend our life complaining and hold a self pity party with the negatives being the hostess with the mostest; or we can take the negatives and try to make our life a little bit better because of  them.  I know many problems in life seem massive and people think that nothing go can come of them.  And if we simply look at them with the naked  eye; we can't.  However, when we break down our negatives (at this point forward I'll refer to them  as disabilities), we can see thing that we might be able to when we look at them as a whole.  There is an old saying;  "How do you eat an elephant? One piece at a time, of course."    There are many thing we may not be able to do, we must concentrate on the thing we can do.  Even the simplest thing as smiling at a caregiver who may be having bad day; maybe you cheered  them up.  We are not on this earth to live solo lives.  God created us to have relationships and to help and to love others.  Hebrews 13:2 says "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unaware."  We should never let our disability hinder our ability to do God's will.  It's not even a choice.  it is our duty to  do what God calls us to, no matter what cost to us.

Stumbling Blocks

When I learned to walk, it was not like other kids walked, I more or less just stumbled about wherever I went.  (Not much has changed in 30+ years)  As I grew, I graduated from a walker, to crutches and eventually to walk on my own; yet, actually, I just became a better stumbler.  My favorite aid to assist me in the process was my father.  Daddy, in his prime, stood six-feet-seven-inches tall!  He was known among my friends as "The Giant".  Daddy was a very strong guy and this really showed when he was walking with me.  I can't remember ever falling; somehow he always managed to catch me and keep me steady.  Although Daddy couldn't physically keep me from stumbling, he did everything he could to keep me from falling.  When I did fall, Daddy did whatever he could to encourage me to  encourage me to get back up and try again.

        I have another Father who does the exact same thing!  This is God.  He is so big and strong.  He holds me in His arms at all times.  Even though He doesn't always remove all the stumbling blocks from my life, He does guide me down the path and He is there to pick when I fall.
                                                                              It has been a long time since I've gotten to stumble beside my Daddy. I grew up, as little girls do, and my paths did not always cross with his.  I suppose the last time I got to stumble with him was down the church aisle at my wedding when he handed me over to the man that I will stumble my life away with.  After I had my two precious babies, I had a hip replacement, which has helped my stumbling a lot.  My daddy is no longer here on this earth to stumble about with me.  And even though when I reach heaven, I won't be stumbling any more, I know that both my Fathers will be waiting to walk me down those streets of gold

CRIES FROM A MAMA'S HEART

As a mother there very few things I would not do for my kids.  That being said; as a mother with a disability, there are quite a few things that I physically can't do for my kids.  Now, mind you, this is nothing new; we've been dealing with this for over 15 years.
However, as they start each new phase of their life, we (OK, mainly I) have to readjust to what I can and can't do with and for them.  They're both at a point in their life where they do want to and have extra curricular activities.  Dalton is doing some form of fashion of basketball practice.  at least 5 days a weeks.  Bobbye Sue's in Girl Scout, plus she wants to pursue archery and student council.  (Yes, she may be a bit ambitious!) I want to be  that ultimate "soccer" mom who's at every game, who knows all her kids friends, teachers and coaches.  In my  heart, I know what an unrealistic version of a mom this is.  Even if I could drive and do things a "normal" mama could do, I'd still have a big problem: There's only one of me and there are two of them.
Years ago I was crying out to God about this very issues and said; "Why does my Cerebral Palsy have to effect my kids?  It's not fair!"  God quickly rebuked me and said; "Don't you think maybe I wanted your Cerebral to effect your kids!"  This was, and still is, such a powerful statement!  My kids truly have not suffered because of my CP.  It may even be a blessing.  In fact, as I write this Bobbye was reading over my shoulder and said; "You  know Mama, it really doesn't effect us that much."  
As a mother, I have to keep my eye on the prize; which is to be able to look at my kids and to know that they love God and that they are kind and helpful people.  As far as their extra curricular extra activity goes; I trust that God that He always lead them in the paths they should go.

Made to Crave - Chapter 8 - Making Peace with the Realities of My Body

1.  What physical trait do you wish you could change?  Probably my speech impediment.  It used to be my walking, but as I get older, not being able to walk bothers me, but being able to communicate with others now trumps that.  

     When the first time you remember being embarrassed  by this?  1st or 2nd grade,  I can remember I was suppose to go to a Easter Seal's sleep over and it was  the first time I remember being with other disabled children and I realized I was like them and "different" from other kids.  I was the only disabled student at my school and I basically did whatever anyone else did and it never occurred me that I was different.

      Are you more at peace with it now?  Most days I am.  Most people are very accepting of people with disabilities and try to listen  and understand me.  Every now and then I'll meet  someone who will not take the time.  Talking on the phone is hard for me .  I make  the kids make most of my "business" calls for me.:) :)

2.  When you consider previous efforts to modify your eating habits, what experiences or accomplishments motivate you?  Uh, I've never really tried to modify my eating habits before.:p 

3.  Have you ever thought of your physical flaws as beneficial? Yes, I think the CP is a huge part of my ministry.
      What may be hidden benefits?  I think my disablity has taught me to be more compassionate for others.

Made to Crave - Chapter 7 - I'm Not Defined By The Numbers

1.  What mode do you kick into when you feel like you don't feel like you measure up?  I usually go one of two ways:  I either go into the "I have to prove I can do this if its the LAST thing I EVER do." mode or the "I should really focus on something else" mode.

2.  If you could clearly hear God's word to you throughout the day, what kind of things would you want to hear Him say?  I'd like to hear him say that He loves me no matter what and that everything I do doesn't have to be perfect. 
   
    What specifically would you like to hear God say about your weight and your issues with food?  I'd like to hear Him say that I am beautiful no matter what I look like or how much I weigh.  I would to hear Him encourage me.  I mean I know He's always encouraging me, but sometimes I'd like to hear it in an audible voice.

3.  Do you feel like you have everything you need from God to overcome your struggle with food?  Yes

4.  How do the the number on the scale impact you self worth?  No much as to all,   my others physical aspects, due to the CP,  seam  to effect my self-worth more than my weight.

5. What self-defending thoughts or hurtful comments from others run through you mind when it comes to food?  That I'm fat and that I'm not that pretty.  
     
     What insight and prospective do gain when you ask these questions?
      - Is this true? No, because I was made in God's image.
      - Is this beneficial?   No, it actually hinders progress because when I have negative thoughts it makes it harder to get motivated and to get things done.    
     -Is this necessary? No, because I know that I am a child of God, and am judge by my heart and not my outward appearance.

He Really Did Died For Me

This past weekend my best friend, Becki and I went to a women's retreat.  This retreat is awesome and truly is one of the highlights of our year.  It's just nice to get away with her and other women for a weekend without kids and husband to just relax and grow closer to God and each other.  It's one of the highlights of our year.  For me the best and most revealing part of the weekend came Saturday night.  The evening meeting was down at the lake.  The path down to the lake was a very steep and fractured slab of concrete.  I was in my scooter and was doing OK until I hit a rough spot and almost flipped over.  I get parked in the grass and quickly turn the scooter off  because I'm afraid if I touch it in any way I'll end off in the lake topic was sin and forgiveness.  At the beginning of the session, the had given us each a piece of cheese clothe (I think that's what it was).  We were to write on it something we were struggling, then walk it down to a table that had some red liquid on it- they said the liquid would dissolve the ink.  After this we were to take a white rose and place the petals in the lake.  I was not going to attempt this; in fact I was seriously considering just sitting in my scooter on that hill for the rest of my life.  So Becki took mine for me.  I watched enviously at this beautiful of all these women preforming the symbolic act it accrued to me; Jesus did what I could not do.  He took up the cross and died for me!  There was never even a chance that I could produce my own salvation.  Now, I've been a Christian all my life, but this hit me like block on the head.  Too often we try to take charge of our own life.  We don't want ta appear week.  I hate to think off all the blessings I've missed our on simply because I was too stubborn to surrender to God.  I've always  been very independent; in some ways I fear  I'm loosing more and more of my independence every day.  I believe with all my heart that God gave me such a strong will and independence to help me succeed, even survive.  However, as I get older and have to rely on others - and on God - I'm truly starting to see how much  God loves me.  He love truly did die for me!

Book Review - Grace for the Good Girl

   So it took me almost  2 months to read, but I finally finished reading Grace for the Good Girl  by Emily P. Freeman.  I read this as part  of The Titus 2 Univversy.  I must say this is a great book; one of the best I've read in a while  The first thing I noticed was the cover:  It made me think of Maya Angelou's I Know Why The Caged Bird Sing which I read in junior high.  The idea of this story, if I remember correctly it's about how we can still feel free even in the midst of  a life that seams anything but.   Grace for the Good Girl brings up the issue of how "good girl"  has  been prompted to please everyone; be the best at everything you do.  It reminds me that we are saved by grace, not by works.  I grew up trying to be the ultimate "good girl"  In fact my nick name in  college was "Mother Teresa" or "MT" for short.  I obtained this nick name because the first semester of my freshmen year I went to a retreat where the matter of church attendance came up. I said (and I'm sure I said it agronantly) that I ALWAYS went to church!  Well, a mere 5 years later, I could no longer say that.  In fact, I no longer belong to the same denomination.  It wasn't that I felt like I was better than anyone else, it's just that truly felt  that that was what you were suppose to m ;kado:  You were suppose to go to church every Sunday;  you were suppose to do you best at everything; you were suppose to be a "good girl"  
     I think a lot of this goes back to how I was raised, but more importantly was how I processed how I  was raised.  I was (am) sensitive person and I truly feel guilty when I do something wrong, even when it's an accident.  I even feel guilty at times over my Ceberal Palsy; as if I can control it.  This also incorporated what society and the world defines a "good girl." .  The world concentrates and promotes perfection, it feels like you have an automatic strike on you back because you are different from the norm.
     I think what I got most out of reading Grace for the Good Girl was that its OK that I'm not .  God did not intend for me to be perfect and in fact its my imperfections that will draw me closer to Him.

God Spoke

So, a few weeks ago we were have a transportation issue ~ surprise,surprise.  Both the kids were scheduled to attend day camp: Dalton to basket ball camp & Bobbye Sue to girl scout camp.  Before I signed her I made sure Bobbye Sue had a ride.  Well, things didn't work.  One day, I cried out to God in anger; "WHY DOES MY CEREBRAL PALSY HAVE TO EFFECT MY KIDS?  IT'S NOT FAIR!!!"  God quickly rebuked me & said; "Don't you think maybe I wanted your Cerebral Palsy to effect your kids?"  I can't explain it and other way than to say it felt like someone punched me in the stomach...It took my breath away & all I could think was "WOW!!!"  I am on of those people who think that all think are interconnected. My mama always says "You never know; maybe one of your kids or grand-kids may came up with a cure/treatment for CP."  I've really been thinking about all of this and truly amazed.  I have no idea what God has in for me or my kids.  They may have situations in their life that only be handled with   the knowledge and mercy that can come with having a disabled mother.  I'm by no way saying I'm a martyr, nor do I want to be, but if my trails and struggles can in anyway strengthen my friends and or family's relationships with God then bring on the trails and struggles.