Today I'm thankful that God has blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves me regardless of my many faults. I am so undeserving. Now, while my spiritual hearts knows this to be true too often my humanity tries to take over and gets in the way. I start to thinking that Barrett "owes" me. That he's the one who should be thankful because I'm so good to him. I want him to think this way. As little girls we grow up with this idea that we're going to meet, fall in love with and marry someone who thinks that we're just the sweetest, prettiest woman in the world and that we could do no wrong, even if we tried.
Much I hate admit it; while I'll always think of Barrett as my Prince Charming, I am no princess. I am not the perfect wife. I fail him in every way. Thankfully, he loves me anyway. It doesn't depend on how clean my house is or how delicious my meals are. Why I do want to try to keep a clean house and all that. The bible says that God knows our heart. We are very fortunate that God looks beyonds the actions to the heart. If our heart our right in trusting Him, then our actions - i.e. sins - are drenched in Jesus' blood and made as white as snow.
Marriage is the closet relationship that people can have this side of heaven; in fact marriage is the picture of Jesus and His church in the New Testament. If God cared enough to place man and women in such a relationship with each other that it reflects His relationship with His people, how much does He think of it? It really makes me stop and go; "WOW!"
We live in a society that doesn't put much stock in marriage anymore. It's no longer seen as a necessity. I must admit that Barrett and I did live together for about six months before we got married; I think we both had our own reasons for doing so. I think Barrett was unsure about marring someone with a disability, while I was more afraid that if I said "no", he'd leave me and go find someone else. I was so immature! He fell in love with me. I didn't make him and he didn't choose it. God gave us to each other. Just as I didn't choose to follow God; He chose me to follow Him.
Marriage is a honor; not a curse, something I deserved or even something that I even have the right to want. I do believe that it and motherhood are 2 of the highest callings that a woman can have. It is truly a call to service.