Thursday, October 21, 2010

My Hero- My Behind the Scenes Mama

     If  you had asked me growing up who my biggest supporter was I would have said my Daddy.  My Daddy was a great daddy!  He was the more vocal voice.  When I was born they basically told my parents to go home, leave me at the hospital and forget they every  had a daughter.  I wasn't expected to live, and even if I did live I was expected to be a vegetable and have all sorts of health issues; including mental retardation.  My Daddy told them ; No, that I was going to live and that I was going to have a "normal" life.  My parents both fought for me, but I guess I remember Daddy being my "vocal"  My Daddy had a very strong and domineering personality about him; the kind that simply demanded respect.  My Mama was/is more of a behind the scenes type of person.  Looking back I can say it was Mama who was the true super hero in my life:  She took me to all my doctors and speech appointments.  She's the one who helped me do leg exercises every night.  It was Mama who drove me back and forth to school for ten years just so I could go to one of the best schools in Nashville in order to receive a good education.  I loved my mom, but I didn't give her the respect she deserved.  I was jealous of her:.  She was "normal" and "perfect" and I would never be.  I blamed her for my disability.  I had came out of her body.  I expected her to always take care of me, according to my standards which were set way to high.  She was a stay-at-home-mom and I just thought that was so uncool.  All my friends' mom worked and I saw them as what  I wanted to be.  When she started nursing school my freshmen year of high school, I was elated. I seriously thought she wanted a career beyond being a wife and mother, she didn't.  She was doing what she had to in order to take care of her family.
      I've learned so much about my mom by becoming a mom.  I can still hear her saying, "I hope  you have a kid just like you!"  I see myself in Dalton constantly, especially as we tread through these preteen years. Bobbye Sue however, is just like.  I sometimes wonder if God placed me in the middle of those three simply for his own amusement.  Mama has taught me many things; to be patient, to love unconditionally; to forgive willing and to always follow.  Mama and I are very different people in many ways.  She's gone through things that I can't even fathom.  She's a lot stronger person than I though she was.  Like I said earlier she was/is a very behind the scenes person.  And now as I'm a wife and a mother that what I want to be.  This is very biblical.  No one on earth loved Jesus more than Mary did, however she too was very much a behind the scenes person.  She was there when He needed her; to support, but she knew that much of Jesus' life was going to a solo journey.  As I think about the relationship I have with my kids and reflect on the relationship I have with Mama, I think of John 3:30 where John the Baptist tells his disciples; "He must increase, but I must decrees."  (HCSB)  We have to let our kids grow up and be who God wants them to be.  My mom gave me everything she and then some in order to take care of me;  She did it willing and without expectation in return.  I'm sure in many ways, her and my family's could have been less complicated had they chosen to deal with my disability, but they chose to take the high road and do what was best for me.  As a Mama, I too am called to prepare my kids and then step back and watch them  soar.  This can be difficult in so many ways: First, it's natural to worry about them. and then I think; "Well, that's not how I would have done it; how I told them them to do it!"  Self keeps reaping back  in, trying to steel the spotlight and it isn't even my scene!   How can I expect them to live a good and godly life when I am constantly trying to run in and still the glory  I am proud to confess that when I grow up I want to be just like my Mama.  She's strong, kind, loving...I don't know if I'll make it but that's my aim.

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