Go Away you Green Eyed Jelous Monster

I'm feeling very jealous tonight.  Two of my sisters-in-law have had babies in the past 4 months and my other sister-in-law is expecting her 4th child in March.  While I am happy for them I'm also envious.  God bless me with two wonderful children after 2 difficult pregnancies.  With Bobbye Sue I went into labor at 27 weeks and I spent 2 months in the hospital.  She was born perfect (as Dalton had been; which was another story.)  It was with a heavy heart that I decided to have my tubes tied when Bobbye Sue was 6 months old.  After much  prayer and discussion with Barrett, we decided we couldn't risk having another baby - the doctors said that I probably would  never carry another baby to term.  I know in my hearts of hearts that I'd have a hard time dealing if I lost a baby due to my inability to carry it.  I feel so bad for any women that losses a child - but know that I had a great chance of losing one - I just couldn't  do it.  I worry that people think that I'm selfish because I did choose to take procedures so I wouldn't have more kids.  I grew up in a family of 7 kids and in a church that really looks down up birth control and having lots of babies.  I can remember when we joined the church when I was 7 - there were four of us kids then - mama said that they had one of the smallest  family  and people wanted to know when they were going to expand their family.  LOL!  So I truly had to pray about this because I do believe that children are gifts from God and true blessings.  God has promised me that I will have other children in my life.  Also, I think I want another kid, but then I start thinking my kids are 12 & 8, do I truly want to start with a little bitty baby.  I don't think so.