Another news story has caught my eye.  This one is about a mother who says she regrets not aborting herr baby when she was told that he would probably be disabled.  She and her husband had already told the doctor that "...we didn't want a child who wasn't going to be able to ride a bike and do things that normal children do."  Life News  

     As a mother,  I can not get my head around this..Yes, I want a child but only if he or she is perfect.  And as a woman with a disability I am totally appalled.  

     I know parenting a disabled child is difficult; it can expensive; it can be hard on marriages ( I was told a divorce was my fault).  It can be difficult for siblings; (on of my brothers' depression was blamed on  the fact that he had a disabled sister).  Plus all the uncertainty of the disability:  How much care a disabled child will need.

Disabilities are not easy, but is anything in life easy?  Would this mother want to go back and abort this child if they don't make straight A's in  school or if they grow up and choose a different path than she wants them too.

One of the worst things you can say to a disable child, or anyone for that matter, is that they aren't wanted.  We already live in a society we being different can be taboo.  A mother is the one person that every  child should be able to go to and be loved; no matter what they do or who they become.  Even if this mother never lets her child know she thinks this.  It will be felt; every deep sigh, every angry voice, every time she's moves or touches him, he'll  be able to tell how she really feels about him.

Please, please treat your loved ones with care.  Just because they're not who you want them to be doesn't mean they're not who God wants them to be.

Disabilities Aren't Always a Bad Thing

I've been having a discussion with a group on Facebook about what's good about being in a wheel; about having a disability.  Now many people, both those who are disabled and those aren't, see this question and laugh.  Surely, there can be nothing good about having a disabled.  Uhm, I may beg to differ, depending  on the day.  I  was strangled at birth by the umbilical cord That caused me to have Cerebral Palsy.  I'd like to think that before I was born that God asked  me if I would be disabled for a reason.  I hope that through my struggles, I have inspired others.  I can look back at my life and sees the path that my disability has sewn: It's the reason my  family became Christian, the reason  I got to go to college, the reason I chose to major in Social Work, the reason I met my husband and so forth.  Most people see disabilities as negative, and while most disabilities have negative aspects that go along with them; but then again most people who breathe life encounter negative aspects that goes along with that life.    We all have two choices; we can either spend our life complaining and hold a self pity party with the negatives being the hostess with the mostest; or we can take the negatives and try to make our life a little bit better because of  them.  I know many problems in life seem massive and people think that nothing go can come of them.  And if we simply look at them with the naked  eye; we can't.  However, when we break down our negatives (at this point forward I'll refer to them  as disabilities), we can see thing that we might be able to when we look at them as a whole.  There is an old saying;  "How do you eat an elephant? One piece at a time, of course."    There are many thing we may not be able to do, we must concentrate on the thing we can do.  Even the simplest thing as smiling at a caregiver who may be having bad day; maybe you cheered  them up.  We are not on this earth to live solo lives.  God created us to have relationships and to help and to love others.  Hebrews 13:2 says "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unaware."  We should never let our disability hinder our ability to do God's will.  It's not even a choice.  it is our duty to  do what God calls us to, no matter what cost to us.

COVERED BY GOD'S PERFECTION

As a Christian, I know the facts - or at least my mind does.  I know that Jesus came and died for my sins.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know all that!  But my heart's a little on the slow side.  It's hard to believe you're faultless when you feel like every time you turn around your being blamed for something you've done; especially when you feel like you've done everything the "RIGHT" way."
Growing up with a disability, I felt like somehow I deserved it.  However, at the same time, I was angry.  Why was I disabled, when others weren't? I felt like I owed people because I was such a burden to them.  Every time I fell or made a mess of my self while I was eating I felt like I wasn't doing the best I could.  My favorite word was-and still is- is "sorry"..  I feel like I constantly need to apologize for myself and everything I do.
This is a lie from Satan.  Yes, if I truly wrong someone and I will need to apologize and try to make things right.  But for the most part, I need to just trust God and rely on Him.  I can't control what other people think of me.  If I've done what I truly believed God has asked me to do, then I just have to let those people work out, with God, for themselves.
I'm a people pleaser.   I have been all my life.  And, truthfully, I'm pretty good at it.  I always want others to feel comfortable and loved.  This is not always a bad thing; we are suppose to love others as we love our self.  But loving other and always pleasing them are two different things.
There's and saying; "You can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time!"  The only one that we need to worry about pleasing God.  Now, God desire perfection and we on our can never master perfection, it's neither in our nature, not is it in God's design.
God gave Jesus as a sacrifice for our sins.  It is through His blood that God see us as perfect.  No matter what we do - or fail to do - can change that.  God's blood cover all our sins - those that our intentional and unintentional.    This means that we can feel freedom, because our sins our covered by the perfection of Jesus.  I no longer have to feel bad every time I mess up.  I don't have to apologize for being who I am  because this is who God made me.  I'm not perfect and I will make mistakes,  but as long as I live in Christ and am covered by His blood of perfection I don't have to always feel condemned.    In fact, when I do feel condemned and guilty I am allowing Satan to still the peace and Joy that I can only get from God.

Made to Crave Blog Hop - I am Holy

To be made holy is to be set apart by God for a specific purpose.

I have been deemed set apart by God for a specific purpose.

Does this make me holy?

 I’m a nobody.  I’m just a crippled middle aged woman in Middle Tennessee.  I’ve never done anything amazing.  My name is not known all over the world.  I don’t make life altering decisions every day that can make or break people.  I’m not a doctor with the next big cure.  I’m not a political leader with some grand suggestion for world peace.  I don’t have a solution to feed hungry kids, or to make parents love their children, nor can I make husbands and wife stay in a marriage where everyone and everything else says throw in the towel.

I’m no one, remember?

But, what if I have been set apart God for a specific purpose?

Leviticus 19:2  ^says, “Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: ‘Be holy because I, the Lord your God, am holy.’”

It’s easy for us in our human state to doubt that we can be holy because…

       “I’m crippled…”

        “My parents abandoned me…”

        “My spouse rejected me…”

         “I’m overweight…”

This list can go on forever.  It’s been said that if you’re looking for an excuse; you’ll always find one.  But, our holiness has nothing to do with us, but everything to do with God: We are holy because He is holy.

Too often we think that God can’t use us because of our brokenness.  But in all reality, it is through our brokenness that God does use us.  Honestly, I do not know if I’d be a Christian if I wasn’t disabled.  My parents weren’t going to church when I was born.  When it was time for me to start school, they found a Catholic school that was just for disabled students.  My parents choose to put me in there rather than a public school where I would have probably been place into a special education class.

Uhm, set apart…

God knew.  My disability didn’t take Him by surprise.  While I don’t think He caused me to be disabled, I do think He allowed in for my good and for His glory.   Romans 8:28 tells us; “We know that all things work God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” 

 Somehow, my problems and your problems will all reveal God’s glory.  And I don’t have to do anything but get out of His way.  Ahh, but I’m stubborn.  I what people to see what I’ve done; to be impressed with the progress I’ve made.  What about me?  This is my life and I deserve the credit of what happens in my life.  Right.

I tell my kids all the time; “This is my life, I just let you live here.”  OK maybe not the best example.  But, we were created by God to have a relationship with God.  Luke 19:40 says (after Jesus was told by the Pharisees to rebuke His disciples), “’I tell you’ He replied, ‘If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.’”  Wow, if I don’t praise God and give Him glory, the rocks will do it in my place!  I don’t want to miss out on praise and glorifying God.  He made me who I am.  He created me in my mother’s womb.  He choose my parents and my siblings.  He choose Bryan Barrett to be my husband and Dalton and Bobbye Sue to be our children.  I don’t know why He chose to bless me, but He did.

If I’d not been disabled I doubt I’d ever gone to college. I’d never met Barrett or have had these two wonderful kids. 

Yes, I know I’m holy and have been set apart by God for a specific purpose.  Have you?

Made to Crave - Chapter 14 - Emotional Emptiness

1.  Do you feel a connection between emotion emptiness and physical hunger?  Yes

      Are you able to distinguish between physical hunger and emotional triggered hunger or does it feel the same to you?  Sometimes, it depends on where I'm at spiritually.  If I'm truly in the word and seeking God, I'm more likely to recognize the difference.  Unfortunately, most of the time I'm not and so it's harder to tell the difference.

2.  By using the phrases of Philippians 4:8 as a guide, invite God to give you a better place to park your mind about a painful experience from your past.

      Whatever is true...Thought your body may be broken, you're still made in God's image.

      Whatever is noble...Your life isn't determined by your physical circumstance, but by what you let God do with it.

       Whatever is right...My mama always told me "God doesn't make junk!"  So therefore I must be worth something to Him.

       Whatever is pure...My brother used to say that he was pure as the white fallen snow.  I would always laugh and say. "Whatever, keep telling yourself that!  But, when we accept Jesus and choose to follow Isaiah 1:18 says “Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."  Jesus purifies our souls; not through anything we've done, but through what He did for us when He died on the cross.

Whatever is lovely…Even though my body in this world is crippled, I know that it is lovely to God. And whether it’s in this life or in Heaven I know that my body will be made whole – and lovely – one day.

Whatever is admirable, excellent or praiseworthy…Nothing I can do on my own can make me any of these things.  However, through Christ I am told that I can do all things.

3.  I love how Lysa describes that God is making a mosaic of restoration and healing in heart by gathering up broken pieces of our lives and making it into something beautiful.  I totally believe that God uses everything in our life to tell our story.  Every now and then I can see a glimpse of what God is doing in my life and it is beautiful.

Whimsical Wednesday - Comparing Myself to Others

Why do we compare ourselves to others?  It’s funny that our society has most people playing tug-of-war with our self: We are to find our own uniqueness, yet we are to do it within expectations.  It’s ok to be different, as long as it kept within our little box.  WHAT???  This is a bit confusing isn’t it?  So is it any wonder that we have people walking around not sure what to do?  Have joy in being unique, but do it while conforming to others.

        We all have expectations put on us.  As a disabled woman, some people are really surprised that I’m married and have two kids.  It’s acceptable that I went to college and got my degree.  Good for you.  But you found someone to love you.   WOW!  The first question people asked is; “Is he disabled too?”  (Now, before I go on let me just say I’m all for disabled people marrying whomever they choose.)  But a lot of time people assume that because I’m disabled then my husband must be disabled too.  He is not.  So, obviously we do not have a typical marriage in some ways, while in others it’s very typical. I’m a stay-at-home-mom.  It’s my job to the “normal” mom things; keep the house clean, do laundry, do the shopping, make meals etc.  I may not do things the same way that “non-disabled” moms do but my kids and husband know that I love them and care for them. 

        I can remember when my kids were newborns and people would come to visit and want to pace with them back and forth to sooth them.  I had to ask people to please not do this.  I wasn’t trying to be mean or ungrateful, but I didn’t want the kids to get used to this,  because I knew I couldn’t pace with them, and as their primary care giver, I knew this couldn’t be one their comfort mechanism that I could offer them. 

        Conforming isn't always bad.  I love being a wife and mother.  But I tend to compare myself too often with those women who don’t have my physical challenges and start thinking things like; “A good mama can drive and she goes to all her son’s basketball games”, or “A good mama can teach her daughter how to sew”.  I let what is expected of a normal mother dictate how I’m supposed to be a mother, all the while forgetting on slight detail – I’m not “normal”.  Uhm, oh yeah!  It can be very easy to fall into that trap of if you aren’t like the norm, then you’re not good enough.  This is a lie from Satan. 

        Once I realize that I cannot live up to this standard, that’s when I can allow my uniqueness to step in and help me to adapt and do stuff the way the way I need to in order to be that good wife and mother that I want to be.

A Few Cripple Mama Tips

Every now and then I like share a couple of tips about living with a disability and some  ways I do stuff.  

This first picture I tried to share a few weeks ago and I uploaded it to my blog on my phone and for some reason its showing in my blog on my phone, but not on the compute.

I was making tea one night and I didn't want to spill the mix (like I usually do).  So first I hung the measuring cup on the picture, but it was too top heavy.  Then I hung it on the divider in the sink.  Worked out perfect; its less likely to spill and if it does spill,  I just wash the sink out.

 I LOVE THIS ONE!!!  Dalton helped me clean the kitchen last week and we got rid of the spice carousal.  I didn't want to throw it away, so I decided it'd make a great pill  bottle holder.  I'm probably not the first one to think of this, but its a great idea.

Made to Crave - Chapter 8 - Making Peace with the Realities of My Body

1.  What physical trait do you wish you could change?  Probably my speech impediment.  It used to be my walking, but as I get older, not being able to walk bothers me, but being able to communicate with others now trumps that.  

     When the first time you remember being embarrassed  by this?  1st or 2nd grade,  I can remember I was suppose to go to a Easter Seal's sleep over and it was  the first time I remember being with other disabled children and I realized I was like them and "different" from other kids.  I was the only disabled student at my school and I basically did whatever anyone else did and it never occurred me that I was different.

      Are you more at peace with it now?  Most days I am.  Most people are very accepting of people with disabilities and try to listen  and understand me.  Every now and then I'll meet  someone who will not take the time.  Talking on the phone is hard for me .  I make  the kids make most of my "business" calls for me.:) :)

2.  When you consider previous efforts to modify your eating habits, what experiences or accomplishments motivate you?  Uh, I've never really tried to modify my eating habits before.:p 

3.  Have you ever thought of your physical flaws as beneficial? Yes, I think the CP is a huge part of my ministry.
      What may be hidden benefits?  I think my disablity has taught me to be more compassionate for others.

Happy 4TH of July

I was just sitting her thinking about how blessed I am.  I live and was born in the greatest country.  We here alot about how the opportunities and just the freedom to succeed is so much great in the USA than any where in the world.  Looking at this country from a person with a disability can be quite interesting.  As I've mentioned before, when I was born my parents were "encouraged" to turn their back on me.  I think in many other countries this is an automatic given.  For starters, the medical knowledge and treatments alone prevents many people with disabilities from surviving; let alone striving.  I took a class in college that talked about disabilities around the world and in different cultures.  I  wish I could remember that class better,  In many parts of the world it's considered  taboo to be disabled,  No, America isn't perfect and many disabled people are  living in scary times in relationship to health care.  I'm not trying to get into a political debate here and I honestly I don't have enough information to even to start to venture down that path.  But I do think America is a great county and I think that OVERALL there's opportunities here for disabled persons that I doubt you can get many other places in the world.

That being said I'll shut up now and say Happy 4th of July!   Thank God for America and the men & women who work to hard to defend and protect this country!!!!!!!!!

Qoute of The Day

So I came across this quote in the Tennessee Council on Developmental Disabilities:  "Disability is a natural part of the human experience..."  Not sure why, but I find this a bit disturbing.  While I've always been disabled, I don't feel that it is natural.  It's hard to look out into a world where it seams like you are the only one that's not "normal"  and see your disability as natural.    While Cerebral Palsy is not considered a progressive disability; as I age and my life changes the CP affects me differently.  It's dismissed as natural phase of aging.  I understand this; but it's hard to see as natural when you're aging in your mid 30's whenever one around you seams to be in their prime.   It's not that I truly hate being disabled, I don't.  I don't exactly love it, But I do see it as a gift that God has blessed me with.    (Even throughout the bible, many stories of great blessing also include great trails.)    Part of me does see the CP as natural.  It's all I've ever known and I have adapted.  It some ways that's a good thing; you have to face reality.  However, in another way, part of me doesn't want to set my disability as natural.  I don't want  to just accept my CP; I don't want the CP to define me.  I want to constantly strive to do my best and often  when I accept things, I tend not to.     One of the hardest things about being disabled is that strong desire to be independent.  A disability robs you of this; to a certain degree.  And sometimes to accept  it means to give into it.

30 Days of Loving and Praying for My Barrett - Day 1: Praying for His Wife

I have very mixed emotions when it comes to praying for Barrett's wife; they go from a humble feeling of "Yes, Thank you God.  I need all the prayer I can get!" to "This isn't about me God.  I know I'm doing what I'm suppose to be doing,,,he's the one that needs prayer."  Truth is though it does start with me!  If I'm not giving my all to God and doing my job as wife and mama, then it only makes  Barrett job to be a good husband and father all the harder.  As I've mentioned before we do not have the typical marriage and family life.  Because of my CP, he has to pick up a lot of my slack and do alot of the things a "normal" wife and mama usually does for her family.  One of the things that really stood out in the first chapter  of The Power of a Praying Wife, was that we need to release some (many) of the expectations that we have of our husband.  We can not expect from our husbands what only God can give us.  This also goes back to what Tozer says in The Presuit of God that there is a place in our soul that is reservedfor God alone.  I struggle with this because I am so depended on Barrett in many ways - he says he sometimes feels like he has 3 kids instead of 2.  LOL.   I know it can be very stressful at time for him.  I honestly pray that God always give me the ability to serve Barrett and to let him be the head of our home

Simply Sundy - My Thoughts on Marriage

 Today I'm thankful that God has blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves me regardless of my many faults.  I am so undeserving.  Now, while my spiritual hearts knows this to be true too often my humanity tries to take over and gets in the way.  I start to thinking that Barrett "owes" me.  That he's the one who should be thankful because I'm so good to him.  I want him to think this way.  As little girls we grow up with this idea that we're going to meet, fall in love with and marry someone who thinks that we're just the sweetest, prettiest woman in the world and that we could do no wrong, even if we tried.
     Much I hate admit it; while I'll always think of Barrett as my Prince Charming, I am no princess.  I am not the perfect wife.  I fail him in every way.  Thankfully, he loves me anyway. It doesn't depend on how clean my house is or how delicious my meals are. Why I do want to try to keep a clean house and all that.  The bible says that God knows our heart.  We are very fortunate that God looks beyonds the actions to the heart.  If  our heart our right in trusting Him, then our actions - i.e. sins - are drenched in Jesus' blood and made as white as snow. 
        Marriage is the closet relationship that people can have this side of heaven; in fact marriage is the picture of Jesus and His church in the New Testament.  If God cared enough to place man and women in such a relationship with each other that it reflects His relationship with His people, how much does He think of it?  It really makes me stop and go; "WOW!"
        We live in a society that doesn't put much stock in marriage anymore.  It's no longer seen as a necessity.  I must admit that Barrett and I did live together for about six months before we got married; I think we both had our own reasons for doing so.  I think Barrett was unsure about marring someone with a disability, while I was more afraid that if I said "no", he'd leave me and go find someone else.  I was so immature!  He fell in love with me.  I didn't make him and he didn't choose it.  God gave us to each other.   Just as I didn't choose to follow God; He chose me to follow Him.
      Marriage is a honor;  not a curse, something I deserved or even something that I even have the right to want.  I do believe that it and motherhood are 2 of the highest callings that a woman can have.  It is truly a call to service. 

Going Through The Marriage Devotional Bible - Day 4 "Passing the Torch

Mathew 28:19 "Therefore go and make deciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit."  (NIV)

This is the Great Commission.  Many people believe that in order to serve God you have to be doing church work; pastoring or teaching, or serving over seas on foreign soil or something big that makes an impact on  the community.  They are wrong.  EVERYONE IS CALLED  TO BE A MISSIONARY; WHETHER YOU'RE A DOCTOR WHO JUST GOT A NOBLE PEACE PRIZE OR A MAMA WHO'S JUST CHANGED HER 1,000TH DIAPER.

Our life is our mission field.  We have been commanded by God to go out and tell others about Him.  There's nothing special about me; but my God is awesome!!!  Barrett loves to tell about how people watch and look at us when we go anywhere as a couple or a family.  Some gawk, some laugh, some turn their heads in disgust...We are not the typical family, but we are the family called us to be.  I may never go on a mission trip to a 3rd world country.  But who knows what Dalton and Bobbye Sue may do one day because Barrett and I followed God and were obedient to Him.  He has promised to bless the offspring of the faithful.  A trip to the grocery store my not seem like a big deal to most, but as a Christian I hope that when people look at me they can see that Christ gives me strength.

Shaken To The Core

We recently got Direct TV and access to a DVR in our bedroom.  One of my new "guilty pleasure" is to record "Homekeepers" with Arthelene Rippy.  It's one of the show I've watched off and on for years.  I like it but it's one of the shows that comes on in the middle of the day and I forget about it.
     Anyway, I was watching it last night and she had a woman by the name of Anne Brooks on.  Mrs. Brooks had a daughter in the 60's 0r 70's (They didn't say for sure.  She's written a book called "If I Died, Will You still Love Me." Which I just ordered today.)  The daughter had Cerebral Palsy and she was taken away when she was 3 or so and put in state custody.  Her parents were accused of neglect and abuse.  They were only allowed to see her every now and then.  The parents were Christan and they had raised the girl in their faith, but she was told that it was a lie and that they didn't love her.  She eventually died when  she was 11; her feeding tube was inserted into her lungs instead of her stomach.  It was such a profound, profound story and it really made me stop and think how blessed.
        I was born in 1973 and my parents were told to leave me at the hospital, to go home and forget they ever had a daughter.  It seams so unreal that anyone would tell a parent that.  God certainly did bless me with the right parents.  They fought for me and were able to provide opportunities to me  that MANY disabled children didn't (& still don't) get.  My parents were a gift to me from God & I know I am  walking & talking miracle! 
      I can never say thank you enough; Of course Daddy's in heaven & he's not here for me to thank.  I did call Mama lat night.  But how do you say thank you?  That's right up there (almost) with saying thank you to Jesus for dying for my sins so I can have salvation.  There are no words; no actions; nothing I can do to express my gratitude towards them.  Which I know they don't want my thanks and they did it purely out of love to me and obedience to God, but I'm just having such a time of amazement after hearing Mrs. Brooks story and realizing how truly blessed I am.
        I took a class in college that talked about how different cultures and times in history dealt with sickness and disabilities and it was just mind boggling.    I'm just so thankful to God that I was born in the era I was, the country I was and the family I was.  That was totally ordained by God.

Struggling with the Winter Blues

One of the hardest parts of my disability is dealing with depression.  Depression also run on both side of my families, so I'm not sure how much is from the CP and how much is inherited.  I let my meds run out last week (I know, I know)  I'm  not against taking the med - they do help, but I feel guilty that I even have to take them  My father-in-law refers to them as my "Crazy Pills".  It makes me feels bad, like I'm not good enough; I'm not worthy to be  married to his son or/ and especially not worthy enough to be the mother of his grand kids.  I know this is not true and I over think things!  I just wish I could be normal.

Homekeeper's Journal: Difficuliteis

This week’s Journal is about … difficulties ….. You’ll need a bible to complete this Journal entry.
You can find one online at  Blue Letter Bible.


You know what difficulties are … those things that make your life harder, more complicated. Perhaps your biggest difficulty is a person. Perhaps difficulties come in groups and threaten to overwhelm you. Lets talk about your difficulties……
Sometimes I feel a bit of resentment when I ……….. Can't put into words (physical words) how I feel or what I'm thinking.  My mind is constantly going, but making that transition to speak it can be frustrating.  People try to complete my sentences.  Also when people "misread" my body language or emotions; Because of the CP I can always control them. 
Why is it so difficult for me to ………..  Be satisfied with what I decide;  I keep 2nd guessing things, wondering is this right or good enough???
1 Chronicles 16:11 tells me to …… "Search for the Lord and for His strength; seek his face always."
1 Peter 5:8 warns me ……..  "Be sober!  Be alert!  Your adversary the Devil is prowling around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour."
I am going to pray and ask for strength to ………….do everything:  Mainly to just be the best wife, mama and homemaker I can be.
The difficult thing that seems to constantly catch me off guard is ………I want to act before I think.
James 1:12 says ….."Blessed it a man who endures trails, because when he passes the test he will receive the crown of life that He has promised to those who love Him.
I am determined to …….Follow the Lord and keep going.