Loving My Husband

Gen 3:16 “Her desire shall be for her husband and he shall rule over her.”

I love my husband so much.  There are seasons in our life where his is crazy busy, and we are currently in one of those seasons.  Every year I struggle with the winter months.  It’s cold and I don’t get out a lot. The kids are busy with school, basketball and girl scouts.  Barrett’s doing so many ball games and life just gets hectic during this time.  I don’t know if I gets more selfish or what, but it’s during this time that I want to be with him the most.  I even threw out last night – out of nowhere may I say – that we take a trip away somewhere just the two of us.  I couldn’t have mentioned at a worst time.  Not that he doesn’t want to spend time with me, he just barely has time to breathe, let alone worry about satisfying my selfishness.  This is the time of year when I need to step up and take care of him.  I need to pray more for him and do those little for him that makes his life easier and less stressful.  I need to ask God to show me what he needs from me.  Last night, I started reading The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick.  Based off the movie, Fireproof, it’s like a 40 day devotional of things you can do to strengthen your relationship with your spouse.  Now, I must admit I have stare to read this book several times before and I haven’t completed it.  But, by the help of God I will persevere and will become a better wife and learn how to love and care for my husband better. 

Whimsical Wednesday - Comparing Myself to Others

Why do we compare ourselves to others?  It’s funny that our society has most people playing tug-of-war with our self: We are to find our own uniqueness, yet we are to do it within expectations.  It’s ok to be different, as long as it kept within our little box.  WHAT???  This is a bit confusing isn’t it?  So is it any wonder that we have people walking around not sure what to do?  Have joy in being unique, but do it while conforming to others.

        We all have expectations put on us.  As a disabled woman, some people are really surprised that I’m married and have two kids.  It’s acceptable that I went to college and got my degree.  Good for you.  But you found someone to love you.   WOW!  The first question people asked is; “Is he disabled too?”  (Now, before I go on let me just say I’m all for disabled people marrying whomever they choose.)  But a lot of time people assume that because I’m disabled then my husband must be disabled too.  He is not.  So, obviously we do not have a typical marriage in some ways, while in others it’s very typical. I’m a stay-at-home-mom.  It’s my job to the “normal” mom things; keep the house clean, do laundry, do the shopping, make meals etc.  I may not do things the same way that “non-disabled” moms do but my kids and husband know that I love them and care for them. 

        I can remember when my kids were newborns and people would come to visit and want to pace with them back and forth to sooth them.  I had to ask people to please not do this.  I wasn’t trying to be mean or ungrateful, but I didn’t want the kids to get used to this,  because I knew I couldn’t pace with them, and as their primary care giver, I knew this couldn’t be one their comfort mechanism that I could offer them. 

        Conforming isn't always bad.  I love being a wife and mother.  But I tend to compare myself too often with those women who don’t have my physical challenges and start thinking things like; “A good mama can drive and she goes to all her son’s basketball games”, or “A good mama can teach her daughter how to sew”.  I let what is expected of a normal mother dictate how I’m supposed to be a mother, all the while forgetting on slight detail – I’m not “normal”.  Uhm, oh yeah!  It can be very easy to fall into that trap of if you aren’t like the norm, then you’re not good enough.  This is a lie from Satan. 

        Once I realize that I cannot live up to this standard, that’s when I can allow my uniqueness to step in and help me to adapt and do stuff the way the way I need to in order to be that good wife and mother that I want to be.

Barrett ~ My One True Love

Last week was Valentine's Day.  Needless to say this isn't Barrett's favorite holiday.  However, he did surprise me with lunch and this beautiful rose.  

Growing I fell into the trap that many women (and men too, I suppose)  fall into, that February 14th is the most romantic day of the year.  When I was single, I longed to be with someone on this day above all days because I wanted to feel special and loved.

Some of you know the story of how Barrett and I met, but if you don't, here it is:

In May of 1997, I took a 2 week philosophy class.  It had to be one of the hardest classes I ever took.  We were in class 6 hours a day five days a week.  At this point Barrett was doing morning news at WGNS.  So, he would come to the building the class was in about an hour before class.  Soon I found myself getting ther early too, just to talk to him.

I had just been rejected by a guy, and I had started truly praying to meet someone.  I didn't want just someone to "date", I wanted someone I could build a life with.  Many of my friends were getting married and starting their "adult" lives, if  you will and I longed for this too. 

Within 2 weeks of knowing Barrett, I knew this was the guy I would marry.  Everyone thought I was cray.  There was only one slight problem; Barrett just wanted to be "friends".  (Oh, BTW, never tell a guy after 2 weeks of knowing him that you love him and you want to spend the rest of your life with him; it may not be received too well.  Just saying). 

So, we began our year of "friendship".  We went out a couple times of week, we spoke on the phone for hours at night.  I spent hours praying and crying myself to sleep at night; hoping that one day he might love me as much as I loved him.

Looking back, I'm so thankful to God for giving us this year of friendship to really get to know each other.  I can truly say, I married my best friend!

Valentine Day 1998 was bitter sweet.  I was in my last year of college.  I was taking 15 hours, plus doing an internship at Domestic Violence.  I was sick and exhausted most of the time.  On Valentine Day, Barrett took me to Crackle Barrel.  No, he didn't confess his dying love to me, but he did get me this throw that I'd had my eye on.

In May, a year after we met he did say he loved me and we were married in November. It'll be 17 years this may since we met.  WOW!!!  Does Barrett always love me like I think he should? No 
Do I always love him like he thinks I should?  NO.  However, I know that if we continual to love the Lord and let Him grow our marriage, it will be very successful.

Tis The Season

Winter is a harsh time of year for me.  And Satan knows it.  I find it ironic that Valentine's Day falls in the midst of winter.  I suppose someone thought it would break up the ho hum of winter.  Barrett schedule picks up and he's gone more often.  I know Barrett loves me.  But sometimes I get lonelyy and after weeks of Valentine's and lovey dovey commercials, I can really start to dissect our marriage and compare it to others.  This is one of the most dangerous roads I ravel and yet I find myself on it year after year!  God must have a sense of humor!  I think Satan tries to use this time of year to divide Barrett and me.  The bad part is each year that I do this, the divide gets larger and larger.  I don't want this!!!  I've got to remember that this it the time of year I've got to be strong and lean when more on God and cast my burdens upon Him, instead of on Barrett

Simply Sundy - My Thoughts on Marriage

 Today I'm thankful that God has blessed me with a wonderful husband who loves me regardless of my many faults.  I am so undeserving.  Now, while my spiritual hearts knows this to be true too often my humanity tries to take over and gets in the way.  I start to thinking that Barrett "owes" me.  That he's the one who should be thankful because I'm so good to him.  I want him to think this way.  As little girls we grow up with this idea that we're going to meet, fall in love with and marry someone who thinks that we're just the sweetest, prettiest woman in the world and that we could do no wrong, even if we tried.
     Much I hate admit it; while I'll always think of Barrett as my Prince Charming, I am no princess.  I am not the perfect wife.  I fail him in every way.  Thankfully, he loves me anyway. It doesn't depend on how clean my house is or how delicious my meals are. Why I do want to try to keep a clean house and all that.  The bible says that God knows our heart.  We are very fortunate that God looks beyonds the actions to the heart.  If  our heart our right in trusting Him, then our actions - i.e. sins - are drenched in Jesus' blood and made as white as snow. 
        Marriage is the closet relationship that people can have this side of heaven; in fact marriage is the picture of Jesus and His church in the New Testament.  If God cared enough to place man and women in such a relationship with each other that it reflects His relationship with His people, how much does He think of it?  It really makes me stop and go; "WOW!"
        We live in a society that doesn't put much stock in marriage anymore.  It's no longer seen as a necessity.  I must admit that Barrett and I did live together for about six months before we got married; I think we both had our own reasons for doing so.  I think Barrett was unsure about marring someone with a disability, while I was more afraid that if I said "no", he'd leave me and go find someone else.  I was so immature!  He fell in love with me.  I didn't make him and he didn't choose it.  God gave us to each other.   Just as I didn't choose to follow God; He chose me to follow Him.
      Marriage is a honor;  not a curse, something I deserved or even something that I even have the right to want.  I do believe that it and motherhood are 2 of the highest callings that a woman can have.  It is truly a call to service. 

Could you Talk to Your Husband That Way?

OK, so one of my "guilty pleasures" is watching the TV show "Bridezillas" on WE TV.  (I know I should but...)  Anyway, it's a very humorous, but sad  thing to see  how women treat the men that they are about to dedicate the rest of their life.  I'm by no means saying that I'm the perfect wife; I've said and done  things in the heat of the moment that I'm sure have  scared Barrett to the the core.  I just can't imagine talking to some one in such a negative, aggressive way.  I totally believe that when I speak negatively to my husband it breaks his  spirit.  I can think of many (older) couples who've been married for a while that take on the traits of the other spouse - the husband starts acting like the wife and the wife starts acting like the husband.  While it is very natural to become like the people who you are around  alot  - especially  those who you live.  However, I think  more often than that after years of being treated badly; that men become meek and let the woman  take control and thus the women decide that it is their duty to step up and take charge.  I remember sitting in a Sunday School with Barrett when we first got married; we were studying Adam and Eve and I suddenly understood Genesis 3:16 as I never have before.  It says; "...Your desire will be for your husband and he will rule over you."  I think most of us think of this as we should have physically desire for our husbands.  In a way this is true - we are to physically desire our husbands, but I believe it goes so much deeper.  Because of sin I have a natural desire to be in control, even to control Barrett.  Yes he knows all about his job  but I (THINK) I know what best for our family.   

Going Through The Marriage Devotional Bible - Day 7 "The Risk Of Public Allegiance"

Mark 5:21-43

Here, we are told of two people who pronounce the faith  in God. These were two people can we say, they may not have ever even be suspected to believe in God; one was a upright Jewish leader and the other was a lowly woman who had been cast aside because of a illness she had no control of. 
    Yet they both in their time  of need turned to Jesus; the knew he was their last hope..Too often our pride gets in the way of faith.  I wonder how many Jewish leaders missed out on wonderful blessing simply because they were afraid of what others may think?  How many people in current times miss out on blessing for that same reason?  How many blessings have I missed out on????
     In my marriage ~ how many time have I missed out on chance to be close to and love Barret just because I wanted to be right???  I'm married to a man who's right about 95% of the time and thinks he's right the other 5% of the time.  Being raised by a Daddy who felt the same way; along side brothers who were taught to believe this; I also believe this.  I'll fight you to the core just to prove my point.    While this was the way I was raise and was sometimes necessary for a girl growing up with a disability.  It's not a good quality for a wife to have going into a marriage.  There were times - even no - when I may go along with Barrett, but I don't do it with a humble, submissive heart.  It's my pride.   I want to be right, I want to prove that I'm a strong, independent woman who can take care of herself.  By acting this way, all I do is alienate Barrett.  He always says "I don't know who you think you're fooling, because you're not fooling me!"
I really need to work on being joyful & content in all things, no matter what the circumstances as Paul spoke of in Philippians 4:11.

1o Things I Want to Change in My Marriage

One of my favorite books is "Created to be  His Help Meet" by Debi Pear.  Had the book for years; it was one of those books that was all high lighted up and had personal  notes in it.  Somehow I've misplaced it.  So I bought another one and have started to reread.  Before you  start reading, Mrs. Pearls suggest you write down the 10 things you want to change an or improve in you marriage.
Here are mine:


1)  Pray for Barrett more
2)  Listen better
3)  Obey without question
4)  Be more available to Barrett
5)  Know and fulfill most of Barrett's needs and desires                 
     ASAP
6)  Create a welcoming and relaxing home for Barrett
     and the kids
7)  Prepare good, healthy meals for them.
8)  Respect Barret at all times and show it. 
9)  Stop comparing us to other couples
10) Stop bombarding Barrett with pity things.