Grieving Daddy on Facebook

     Recently,  two good friends of mine lost the fathers.  Angela Braach lost her sweet Daddy on November 23, 2014 and Katie Taylor lost her dear ole dad on December 2, 2014.  As I've watched and prayed  for for my friends and their families,  I've been taken aback 9 years to when my Daddy died on July 10, 2006.

    My daddy was sick for about 16 years with kidney issues.  I went to bed many nights just knowing that I would get a phone call before the sun rise; telling me that he didn't make it.   He was on Dialysis for the better part of those years - 3 or 4 days a week.

     I wish I could say that my daddy and I were always close and that I was always there for him.  Our life, our family's life, was quite complicated.  I spent years being angry at my daddy.  He made some choices in his life that I felt devastated from.  They were choices that not only hurt me as a daughter, but also as a Christian.  It is hard for a daughter to see her father sin and make mistakes.  I knew my daddy loved me and he knew I loved him, but there were things that I couldn't get past, & know I'm kicking myself now because all that did was wasted precious time that I could have spent with my Daddy.  Time that I can never get back.

     As hard as it is for a daughter to realize her daddy made mistake; it's even harder to think of her daddy not being in Heaven waiting for her.  I can remember a couple of Christmases before he died talking to him; pleading for him to turn to God and seek forgiveness.  He said no, that he had committed the unforgivable sin and had grieved the Holy Spirit.  It was then that I began to reverently pray that he  would turn  back to God.  I was so relived and rejoiced when Lisa told me at the funeral that two night before he died he asked for forgiveness and accepted Christ.

     God and time has a way of healing a broken heart.  Although I still greatly miss my daddy, I can now look back  on his life, and on our life as father and daughter,  and can truly see God's love and work and can say that I know and believed my daddy in walking in the presence of God.
     While I'm unaware of the struggles that my friends Angela and Katie had with their on fathers, it is my prayer that they can look pass them, they they can see their father truly for who God truly made him to be.  They are grieving now, but I pray that will wake up one day and  the sadness will be replaced with only sweet memories.  I love you both dearly and you are both in my prayers.

A New Year Has Dawned...

...Yes I do realize its already January 16, but it's not to late to start with new beginnings. I think the thing I want to do most -alwaays- is to renew my relationship with God; to read my bible and to pray more.  All you gotta do is turn on the news or even log into Face Book to see how desperate this ole world.  I want to be as close to the Creator as I can get so that He can shield me from the evil one.  I want him to guide my every step; least I fall in to temptation.
      I want to eat better and walk / exercise more.  I want to have more energy and not so much.  I'm being treated for sleep  apnea.  I have a CPAP machine and we are suppose to be getting our Sleep Number bed next week; Thursday!!!  Bobbye Sue Girl Scout troop is also starting to work on their badge: Eating For Beauty.  Hoping this will be inspiring.
     I want to keep my house clean and stay on top of things such as laundry & meal planing, etc. 
     I want to write, journal and blog more.  I know this is my most passionate and creative out let and I need to use it more.
     I want to read more.  Been watching way too much TV lately.  I have so many books I've order and haven't read (mostly from my favorite online book store CBD!)  Plus I have a tablet with a Kindle app.  So, I'm definitely not "book poor".
     I want to be kinder to others and to encourage them more.  I believe that one of my spiritual gifts is to be  encouraging to others and I need to be more faithful in doing this.
    And the last one, I'm almost afraid to write down.  For the last couple years the thought of being an inspirational speaker has crossed my mind.  I've prayed about it some and need to pray about it much more.  This calling HAS to come from the LORD.  I really think it be a cool thing, but only if all the glory goes to God

So, that's it.  I have a lot of work and a lot more praying to do!  Please pray with  and for me that I will become the person god has called me to be!

Another news story has caught my eye.  This one is about a mother who says she regrets not aborting herr baby when she was told that he would probably be disabled.  She and her husband had already told the doctor that "...we didn't want a child who wasn't going to be able to ride a bike and do things that normal children do."  Life News  

     As a mother,  I can not get my head around this..Yes, I want a child but only if he or she is perfect.  And as a woman with a disability I am totally appalled.  

     I know parenting a disabled child is difficult; it can expensive; it can be hard on marriages ( I was told a divorce was my fault).  It can be difficult for siblings; (on of my brothers' depression was blamed on  the fact that he had a disabled sister).  Plus all the uncertainty of the disability:  How much care a disabled child will need.

Disabilities are not easy, but is anything in life easy?  Would this mother want to go back and abort this child if they don't make straight A's in  school or if they grow up and choose a different path than she wants them too.

One of the worst things you can say to a disable child, or anyone for that matter, is that they aren't wanted.  We already live in a society we being different can be taboo.  A mother is the one person that every  child should be able to go to and be loved; no matter what they do or who they become.  Even if this mother never lets her child know she thinks this.  It will be felt; every deep sigh, every angry voice, every time she's moves or touches him, he'll  be able to tell how she really feels about him.

Please, please treat your loved ones with care.  Just because they're not who you want them to be doesn't mean they're not who God wants them to be.

Praying For Strangers

A story caught my eye that week that has not only pulled on my heart strings, but has also made me questioned some of my core beliefs.  But above all, this story has reminded how importain it is to pray for others; even for those we don't know.
Brittany Maynard is a 29 year old recently married woman in Oregon.  Right after their wedding, she found out she had terminal brain cancer.  She has decided to end her on November 1st.
Now, while I believe suicide is wrong, I am compassionate of the reason she has chosen to end her life: she's facing a very harsh and painful death.  She also wants to make it easier for her family.  I do respect her decision, I just don't know if I agree with it.
However I can pray for her.    I can pray for her healing, for peace, for comfort and understanding for her family and friends.  I don't have to know or even to agree with her to pray for her.  Some people think that to pray for someone is  to say that you agree with them.  I say sometimes this is true, while other times this can't be further from the truth.  If we are praying for someone's salvation we are obviously not in agreement with them if they believe there is no God.  Sometimes the best prayer for others; strangers or not; is "May God's will be done."  Isaiah 55:8 says "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord.'"  It can be very hard to pray  for God's will to be done because no one but God truly knows His will.  So therefore, we can pray for others even those we don't agree with them.
I can remember when I was little, my mama used to tell me to "people  watch" to cure boredom whenever we were out having to wait.  This is not only a great source of entertainment, but it's also a great opportunity to build you prayer list: we can prayer for the harried clerk at the local supermarket who's been yelled by many customers even though she's not to blame for the long line in her lane.  We can pray for the mother in the park who's trying to gather up her kids to go home and take a nap even though they don't want to go.  We can pray for the businessman  who is sitting alone in the food court at lunchtime; massaging his temple with one hand and trying to balance his check book with the other: Working 18 hours a day, 6 days a week is causing nothing but migraine headaches and only a few more dollars to work with when deciding what bills to pay first.
The truth is everyone has a story.  The chance that we'll ever know a stranger's story is slim to none, but it doesn't take away the importance of their story.  When we pray for them, we are lifting them up to God and pleading for Him to have mercy for them.  We may be the only person that will ever pray for them.  Sad, but true.  
Pray for strangers, and remember,  "Do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have showed hospitality to angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:2

Disabilities Aren't Always a Bad Thing

I've been having a discussion with a group on Facebook about what's good about being in a wheel; about having a disability.  Now many people, both those who are disabled and those aren't, see this question and laugh.  Surely, there can be nothing good about having a disabled.  Uhm, I may beg to differ, depending  on the day.  I  was strangled at birth by the umbilical cord That caused me to have Cerebral Palsy.  I'd like to think that before I was born that God asked  me if I would be disabled for a reason.  I hope that through my struggles, I have inspired others.  I can look back at my life and sees the path that my disability has sewn: It's the reason my  family became Christian, the reason  I got to go to college, the reason I chose to major in Social Work, the reason I met my husband and so forth.  Most people see disabilities as negative, and while most disabilities have negative aspects that go along with them; but then again most people who breathe life encounter negative aspects that goes along with that life.    We all have two choices; we can either spend our life complaining and hold a self pity party with the negatives being the hostess with the mostest; or we can take the negatives and try to make our life a little bit better because of  them.  I know many problems in life seem massive and people think that nothing go can come of them.  And if we simply look at them with the naked  eye; we can't.  However, when we break down our negatives (at this point forward I'll refer to them  as disabilities), we can see thing that we might be able to when we look at them as a whole.  There is an old saying;  "How do you eat an elephant? One piece at a time, of course."    There are many thing we may not be able to do, we must concentrate on the thing we can do.  Even the simplest thing as smiling at a caregiver who may be having bad day; maybe you cheered  them up.  We are not on this earth to live solo lives.  God created us to have relationships and to help and to love others.  Hebrews 13:2 says "Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for thereby some have entertained angels unaware."  We should never let our disability hinder our ability to do God's will.  It's not even a choice.  it is our duty to  do what God calls us to, no matter what cost to us.

TO MEDITATE IT TO BE CREATIVE

When I can truly focus on God and can  pour my hear out to Him, I feel alive.  Nothing else matters.  I'm not bound by my physical life.  I don't owe anyone anything.  I can be who God truly wants me to be.  I'm free; It's a freedom I know can only come from God's grace.  While it may only be for a short time now, I know it'll be for an eternity one day

CRIES FROM A MAMA'S HEART

As a mother there very few things I would not do for my kids.  That being said; as a mother with a disability, there are quite a few things that I physically can't do for my kids.  Now, mind you, this is nothing new; we've been dealing with this for over 15 years.
However, as they start each new phase of their life, we (OK, mainly I) have to readjust to what I can and can't do with and for them.  They're both at a point in their life where they do want to and have extra curricular activities.  Dalton is doing some form of fashion of basketball practice.  at least 5 days a weeks.  Bobbye Sue's in Girl Scout, plus she wants to pursue archery and student council.  (Yes, she may be a bit ambitious!) I want to be  that ultimate "soccer" mom who's at every game, who knows all her kids friends, teachers and coaches.  In my  heart, I know what an unrealistic version of a mom this is.  Even if I could drive and do things a "normal" mama could do, I'd still have a big problem: There's only one of me and there are two of them.
Years ago I was crying out to God about this very issues and said; "Why does my Cerebral Palsy have to effect my kids?  It's not fair!"  God quickly rebuked me and said; "Don't you think maybe I wanted your Cerebral to effect your kids!"  This was, and still is, such a powerful statement!  My kids truly have not suffered because of my CP.  It may even be a blessing.  In fact, as I write this Bobbye was reading over my shoulder and said; "You  know Mama, it really doesn't effect us that much."  
As a mother, I have to keep my eye on the prize; which is to be able to look at my kids and to know that they love God and that they are kind and helpful people.  As far as their extra curricular extra activity goes; I trust that God that He always lead them in the paths they should go.

Why Women Need Fellowship

This is what we doing for our first Women's Bible Stud tomorrow night.  I tried to give credit if I used something that's not mine.  All the scripture is from Bible Gateway.  It's a bit long, but I wanted to include The 8 Qualities of a Good Friend by Jennifer Cotti 

WHY WOMEN NEED CHRISTIAN FELLOWSHIP

What is fellowship?  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 tells us; "Two are better than one,  because they have a good return for their labor: 10 If either of them falls down,  one can help the other up.  But pity anyone who falls  and has no one to help them up.  11 Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.   But how can one keep warm alone? 12 Though one may be overpowered,  two can defend themselves.  A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."  Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Why do women need fellowship?  Everyone needs friends.  Women often times find it difficult  to find time to fellowship with  other Christian women because things like husbands,   jobs and kids.  But sometimes we need to reach out to other Christian women for encouragement.
1 Thessalonians 5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing."

Romans 1:11-13New International Version (NIV) 11 I long to see you so that I may impart to you some spiritual gift to make you strong— 12 that is, that you and I may be mutually encouraged by each other’s faith. 13 I do not want you to be unaware, brothers and sisters,[a] that I planned many times to come to you (but have been prevented from doing so until now) in order that I might have a harvest among you, just as I have had among the other Gentiles.

8 Qualities of a Good Friend

by Jennifer Cotti
1.  A good friend is faithful.  Fair weather friends are MANY!  A good friend sticks closer than a sister!

-Prov. 14:20 "The poor are despised even by their neighbors, while the rich have many “friends.”

-Prov. 18:24 "There are “friends” who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother."

-Prov 19:4,6,7 "Wealth makes many “friends”; poverty drives them all away.  Many seek favors from a ruler; everyone is the friend of a person who gives gifts!  The relatives of the poor despise them; how much more will their friends avoid them! Though the poor plead with them, their friends are gone."

2.   A good friend will be honest, instead of using flattery.  This is big to me because I’m an encourager or a “replenisher” by nature and it’s often mistaken as flattery.  There is a HUGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN FLATTERY AND ENCOURAGEMENT.  Flattery is a lie used to manipulate and it’s selfish in nature for your own benefit.  NOT godly or Christ like behavior!! The enemy is lurking behind that.  Encouragement only uses TRUTH to BUILD UP others, pouring strength, courage, into the other person.  Whatever the need is that God has revealed your friends heart needs.  Encouraging another is selfless with pure motives.   I love 1 Thes. 5:11 “So ENCOURAGE each other and BUILD EACH OTHER UP, just as you are already doing.”

-Prov. 29:5 To flatter friends is to lay a trap for their feet.

-Prov. 26:28 A lying tongue hates its victims, and flattering words cause ruin.

3.  A good friend rebukes when necessary.  This is self explanatory really but when I did this study the Lord put #3 and #4 together.

-Prov. 27:5,6  An open rebuke is better than hidden love. Wounds from a sincere friend are better than many kisses from an enemy.

4.   A good friend is thoughtful and tactful to your heart. I grew up with Pastor Sam branding into us “Be steel wrapped in velvet.”  “It’s not what you say, but HOW you say it!!”  God has a right way to say things and man has a wrong way about speaking and justifying it. We need to examine our hearts.  Examine our motives.  Are you wanting to rebuke, scold, get even, humiliate, embarrass or be the first to tell them off?  Are you angry? Is there unforgiven sin in your own heart?  What would Jesus do?  God’s nature is to be redemptive, restoring if possible.  How much time have you spent in prayer or maybe in tears over this subject or this person?  Have you tried to feel their pain and understand them?  How would YOU want to be treated if you were in their shoes?  Some people look forward to “setting them straight” and giving them a piece of their mind. But God has called us to give them a piece of your heart AND God’s heart!  Let God use you in the right way and at the right time to someone whose heart may need to hear loving words from a gentle heart.

-Prov. 18:21   The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

-Prov. 27:14  A loud and cheerful greeting early in the morning will be taken as a curse.

-Prov 25:20  Singing cheerful songs to a person with a heavy heart is like taking someone’s coat in cold weather or pouring vinegar in a wound.

5.    A good friend sharpens us.  Meaning a good friend will bring Jesus “out” in the other so they can have an edge to live victoriously in Christ.  A good friend will challenge your faith and walk to go deeper.  Without that sharpening a person loses their edge and becomes dull in their walk, their faith, and in the kingdom.   A good friend lifts you up “to stand on their shoulders” and propel us to go higher.  This is where a friend’s strength can help the other during their weakness or a down time…providing you are HONEST!!  It does NO GOOD if you aren't honest, aren't real or caught in a cycle of sinning WITH a friend and covering it up together.  That’s not sharpening and that’s not a good “friend”!

-Prov. 27:17  As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.

-Prov. 20:5 Though good advice lies deep within the heart, a person with understanding will draw it out.

-Prov. 13:20 Walk with the wise and become wise; associate with fools and get in trouble.

-Prov. 22:24 Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person, do not associate with one easily angered.

6.  A good friend offers WISE COUNSEL.  This is kind of obvious.  I have personally learned over the years it’s best to have more than one close godly friend to share with.  Right now I’m single and feel it’s not wise to have ONLY 1 godly woman speaking into my life.  When I’m married that will change and it will be between Jesus, my husband and I.  But I believe God is a God of balance and from time to time I’ve learned to stop and look at my heart and my friends.  Sadly I had a horrible experience of “friends” who had lied or use their tongue as a knife and I learned what qualities to look for in people who I let close to me.  I am SO fortunate!  God has blessed me with a small handful of INCREDIBLE godly women who are strong in the Lord.  They all desire to please HIM with their friendship and have my heart in mind even when speaking truth in love. They are EXTREMELY emotionally, mentally and spiritually stable.  None of them have any selfish motives and that makes me feel safe.  In turn, I have made a covenant with each of them that I would be honorable and trustworthy with their hearts and friendship, always lifting them up in prayer.  On occasion I might ask a couple of them for thoughts if I get stumped but my rule of thumb, which I learned the hard way is to work things out with the Lord on my knees.  He ALWAYS guides my path, He has never let me down.  He has become my husband and best friend…and He’s NEVER failed me!!

-Prov. 27:9 The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.

7.  A good friend respects you and doesn't mold you to their likeness.  It’s easy to offer advice saying “if I was you” or “if it were me” or “I think”.  And human nature is to listen and act on it believing that’s the road to take, but the truth is God has a plan for YOU.  I've seen lives ruined because people listened to advice of others and ran with it.  Be careful! The same plan for you isn't the same plan as your friends.  God didn't make you a cookie cutter of your friend.  You are uniquely and wonderfully made and there is nobody like you in the entire world.  What may have worked for one may not work for the other.  God doesn't work the same way for every person.  The stirring, the passion, the desire for something in YOUR HEART is for intended for YOU. It’s not meant for everyone to understand and it’s not uncommon if people don’t understand.  We serve an audience of 1 and it’s not man.  In this study the Lord parked me on Noah and Abraham and I came away seeing their CONFIDENCE was in GOD.  They were secure in themselves and in the Lord.  They weren't so insecure they needed the approval of others around them.  They were confident in God.  Noah did what God told him to.  He didn't delay asking his BFF for advice.  I’m sure it sounded insane but he did it and what did he lose?  Can you imagine if he went to his friends and listened to bad advice of “friends” with wrong motives?  I can’t fathom the gossip if he had confided in one of the people what God revealed to him.   Abraham didn't ask anyone’s opinion when God gave him instructions to sacrifice his only son, Isaac.  Gen. 22:3 says early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey and took with him two servants and Isaac.   He didn't ask around for opinions, it was between God and Abraham.  He ACTED in obedience, confident in God, believing He would raise Isaac from the dead.  Wow!  He had faith God would work it out in the end.  He obeyed God and left the consequences to Him.  The Lord spoke to Abraham his instructions, not Sarah. The Lord spoke to Noah His plan, not Noah’s neighbor.  The Lord has a plan for each person and a friend may not understand the choice, or like the choice, but if God has stirred your heart then that is between you and the Lord.  Sometimes it’s not popular choice or the easiest route (just ask the Israelis in the desert roaming for 40 yrs)!  As I typed my notes the Lord reminded me of this example: I’m single and had been praying about my brother moving in with me.  I discussed it with only ONE person and as we talked we concluded it may not be wisest choice.  But God would NOT let it go to the point it was driving me nuts! I went into DEEP prayer and the Lord revealed to me He was going to use it as a time for me to break old patterns, to teach me to take care of myself and learn new kindnesses in order to prepare me for my future husband.  I had things to learn and patterns to break from my prior marriage. God was going to use this time AND He was going to use me, if I let Him, to prepare my brother for his future wife as he had kindnesses to learn.  I finally had PEACE!  I knew what God’s direction, purpose and plan was and didn't discuss it with anyone further because I didn't want to touch the Lord’s final word to me.  I was confident in God and trusting Him to come through.  Here I am 2 yrs later and it’s not been easy to break old patterns but when I get married my future husband will appreciate it SO much. He will reap the benefits of my obedience!  God has done so much AWESOME work in me and my brother.  SO worth it!

-Prov. 16:28  A perverse person stirs up conflict and a gossip separates close friends.

-Prov. 12:26 The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray

8.   The qualities of a good friend should be qualities found in a good mate!    I think this is pretty self explanatory.  Nobody wants to find they married a person they would have considered a horrible friend.  Your spouse is the only relative you get to choose, so chose wisely!  Here are some good introspective questions to check your own heart:  Are you loyal?  Do you stand for what is right or do you look out for yourself first?  Do you listen to rumors about your friends or do you walk away?  Do you participate in gossip about them behind their back?  Do you believe the best in them?  Do you trust them?  Do you even have faith in them? Look out for them?  What kind of character and INTEGRITY do you have…when nobody is around?

-Prov. 27:10 Never abandon a friend—either yours or your father’s.

-Prov. 17:17  A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

What God's Been Teaching Me

      So, lately I've been getting a bit too big for my britches; figuratively; (we're no even going to touch my weight issue). I've been letting pride run my life instead of the fear of the Lord. I've been more concerned with “being right” and “always having the last word”, than I have been concerned about trying to do what's right in the eyes of the Lord.

     We all struggle with pride and wanting to control everything and everyone around us. While this is our human nature (part of the results of the fall). But as a wife, I am called to a life of submission. I'm not saying anyone should be a doormat, but you have to pick your battles. I've got to decide if me being right is worth hurting the feelings of my husband and children and upsetting the balance of our home. I have done this for way too long. I want a peaceful home. I know the personalities of my family and I need to pray for the wisdom of how to relate to them, rather than howto attack them and make their lives miserable. I have to remember that they we designed by God and in His image.

     I have to trust God to be my defender and will take care of me when I feel mistreated. Usually, when I stop and really think about the situation, most likely after I've reacted horribly, I realized that my perception of what had gone on was obscured and that I've reacted with my emotions and not with a clear understanding of what had just occurred.

     People say, be careful what your pray for and what you ask God to reveal to you; because He will and it will cut you to the core; but I am asking God to keep revealing to me ways that I incorrectly respond to situations because I don't want to live my life with regret; or being responsible for killing the peace in my house.

Happy New School Year

Today is the first full day of school.  Summer flew by.  I think every year it goes faster and faster.  Dalton is a freshman and Bobbye Sue is in middle school - 6th grade this year.  I don't know where my babies went.
For many years, I  have celebrated two New Years a year.  This may sound insane to some people,   but Mamas everywhere know what I'm talking  about.  It's a big change to go from the lazy summer mode to that full force school mode.  Not only do your kiddos  have to get back into habit of going to school; many times you have to reestablish bed times, you may have to look at their chore list and see if they need to be revamped, and perhaps most important you have to reign in supper time.  It's been a fun summer; eating whatever you want whenever you want and often time wherever you want  (ex. in front of the TV).   But it is time to star planning supper and eating together as a family at a more set time.    It's an exciting time of the year for me.  Because it's a kick start thee motherhood in where it may have became stale and repetitive.  I want my kids to know I'm 100% for them.  My job as a mama is to love them, encourage them and make sure that they know how precious they are not only to me, but that they are even more precious to God.

So with that, I wish you all  a Happy New School Year!

COVERED BY GOD'S PERFECTION

As a Christian, I know the facts - or at least my mind does.  I know that Jesus came and died for my sins.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know all that!  But my heart's a little on the slow side.  It's hard to believe you're faultless when you feel like every time you turn around your being blamed for something you've done; especially when you feel like you've done everything the "RIGHT" way."
Growing up with a disability, I felt like somehow I deserved it.  However, at the same time, I was angry.  Why was I disabled, when others weren't? I felt like I owed people because I was such a burden to them.  Every time I fell or made a mess of my self while I was eating I felt like I wasn't doing the best I could.  My favorite word was-and still is- is "sorry"..  I feel like I constantly need to apologize for myself and everything I do.
This is a lie from Satan.  Yes, if I truly wrong someone and I will need to apologize and try to make things right.  But for the most part, I need to just trust God and rely on Him.  I can't control what other people think of me.  If I've done what I truly believed God has asked me to do, then I just have to let those people work out, with God, for themselves.
I'm a people pleaser.   I have been all my life.  And, truthfully, I'm pretty good at it.  I always want others to feel comfortable and loved.  This is not always a bad thing; we are suppose to love others as we love our self.  But loving other and always pleasing them are two different things.
There's and saying; "You can please all of the people some of the time, some of the people all of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time!"  The only one that we need to worry about pleasing God.  Now, God desire perfection and we on our can never master perfection, it's neither in our nature, not is it in God's design.
God gave Jesus as a sacrifice for our sins.  It is through His blood that God see us as perfect.  No matter what we do - or fail to do - can change that.  God's blood cover all our sins - those that our intentional and unintentional.    This means that we can feel freedom, because our sins our covered by the perfection of Jesus.  I no longer have to feel bad every time I mess up.  I don't have to apologize for being who I am  because this is who God made me.  I'm not perfect and I will make mistakes,  but as long as I live in Christ and am covered by His blood of perfection I don't have to always feel condemned.    In fact, when I do feel condemned and guilty I am allowing Satan to still the peace and Joy that I can only get from God.

What I Know..

I KNOW…

I know I have been blessed beyond measure.

I know that I am the daughter of the King.

I know that all my sins have been washed away.

I know that nothing can touch me without God’s approval.

I know that even when I fall, He will catch me.

I know I was created in God’s own image.

I know He knows the number of hairs on my head.

But I Don’t Know…

I don’t know how I can feel so alone in a room full of people who I know love me.

I don’t know why I feel like a failure so often.

I don’t know why I can’t communicate may needs and want with other people.

I don’t know how to not feel rejected.

I don’t know how to survive without God.

Why I Blog

I love to write.  When I was in 4^th grade, I got a set of Judy Blume books.  I loved her writing, thought it might be something I could do too, and I’ve been hooked ever since.  Writing is a part of me; I truly think it is part of my ministry. 

   Lately, I’ve been really thinking about trying to grow my blog.  My dream is to be a professional writer one day.  But more than that I truly want to write for God.  I read these different blogs and part of me envy them.  I’m trying to participate in different blog hops and link ups.  I’ve created a blog planner and begin to do research.

     Yesterday, I tried to write a post, just to get one my blog.  The words just wouldn’t come.  Last night, I got to thinking about my writing and I remembered why I didn’t study journalism in college; I didn’t want have a career where I stood the chance of losing my passion.  I don’t want to write just to write.  I want to write to share my faith and try to make the world a better place.  If God wants my blog to grow and go somewhere, then it will.  I’d rather have a few readers who actually read and like my stuff (or not), than have a bunch of reader and have to write and put posts on my blog that don’t have my heart fully in them.  I pray that Gods leads (and that I willing follow) me down the path that He sees fits for my writing.

Made to Crave Blog Hop - I am Holy

To be made holy is to be set apart by God for a specific purpose.

I have been deemed set apart by God for a specific purpose.

Does this make me holy?

 I’m a nobody.  I’m just a crippled middle aged woman in Middle Tennessee.  I’ve never done anything amazing.  My name is not known all over the world.  I don’t make life altering decisions every day that can make or break people.  I’m not a doctor with the next big cure.  I’m not a political leader with some grand suggestion for world peace.  I don’t have a solution to feed hungry kids, or to make parents love their children, nor can I make husbands and wife stay in a marriage where everyone and everything else says throw in the towel.

I’m no one, remember?

But, what if I have been set apart God for a specific purpose?

Leviticus 19:2  ^says, “Speak to the entire assembly of Israel and say to them: ‘Be holy because I, the Lord your God, am holy.’”

It’s easy for us in our human state to doubt that we can be holy because…

       “I’m crippled…”

        “My parents abandoned me…”

        “My spouse rejected me…”

         “I’m overweight…”

This list can go on forever.  It’s been said that if you’re looking for an excuse; you’ll always find one.  But, our holiness has nothing to do with us, but everything to do with God: We are holy because He is holy.

Too often we think that God can’t use us because of our brokenness.  But in all reality, it is through our brokenness that God does use us.  Honestly, I do not know if I’d be a Christian if I wasn’t disabled.  My parents weren’t going to church when I was born.  When it was time for me to start school, they found a Catholic school that was just for disabled students.  My parents choose to put me in there rather than a public school where I would have probably been place into a special education class.

Uhm, set apart…

God knew.  My disability didn’t take Him by surprise.  While I don’t think He caused me to be disabled, I do think He allowed in for my good and for His glory.   Romans 8:28 tells us; “We know that all things work God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” 

 Somehow, my problems and your problems will all reveal God’s glory.  And I don’t have to do anything but get out of His way.  Ahh, but I’m stubborn.  I what people to see what I’ve done; to be impressed with the progress I’ve made.  What about me?  This is my life and I deserve the credit of what happens in my life.  Right.

I tell my kids all the time; “This is my life, I just let you live here.”  OK maybe not the best example.  But, we were created by God to have a relationship with God.  Luke 19:40 says (after Jesus was told by the Pharisees to rebuke His disciples), “’I tell you’ He replied, ‘If they keep quiet, the stones will cry out.’”  Wow, if I don’t praise God and give Him glory, the rocks will do it in my place!  I don’t want to miss out on praise and glorifying God.  He made me who I am.  He created me in my mother’s womb.  He choose my parents and my siblings.  He choose Bryan Barrett to be my husband and Dalton and Bobbye Sue to be our children.  I don’t know why He chose to bless me, but He did.

If I’d not been disabled I doubt I’d ever gone to college. I’d never met Barrett or have had these two wonderful kids. 

Yes, I know I’m holy and have been set apart by God for a specific purpose.  Have you?

Made to Crave - Chapter 14 - Emotional Emptiness

1.  Do you feel a connection between emotion emptiness and physical hunger?  Yes

      Are you able to distinguish between physical hunger and emotional triggered hunger or does it feel the same to you?  Sometimes, it depends on where I'm at spiritually.  If I'm truly in the word and seeking God, I'm more likely to recognize the difference.  Unfortunately, most of the time I'm not and so it's harder to tell the difference.

2.  By using the phrases of Philippians 4:8 as a guide, invite God to give you a better place to park your mind about a painful experience from your past.

      Whatever is true...Thought your body may be broken, you're still made in God's image.

      Whatever is noble...Your life isn't determined by your physical circumstance, but by what you let God do with it.

       Whatever is right...My mama always told me "God doesn't make junk!"  So therefore I must be worth something to Him.

       Whatever is pure...My brother used to say that he was pure as the white fallen snow.  I would always laugh and say. "Whatever, keep telling yourself that!  But, when we accept Jesus and choose to follow Isaiah 1:18 says “Come now, let us settle the matter,” says the Lord. “Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool."  Jesus purifies our souls; not through anything we've done, but through what He did for us when He died on the cross.

Whatever is lovely…Even though my body in this world is crippled, I know that it is lovely to God. And whether it’s in this life or in Heaven I know that my body will be made whole – and lovely – one day.

Whatever is admirable, excellent or praiseworthy…Nothing I can do on my own can make me any of these things.  However, through Christ I am told that I can do all things.

3.  I love how Lysa describes that God is making a mosaic of restoration and healing in heart by gathering up broken pieces of our lives and making it into something beautiful.  I totally believe that God uses everything in our life to tell our story.  Every now and then I can see a glimpse of what God is doing in my life and it is beautiful.

Made to Crave ~ Chapter 13 ~Overindulgence

1.  What are the unspoken truths about in your church or circle of friends?   I don't know that there is one.  We have 3 or 4 fellowships a year (Easter, Thanksgiving, Christmas and usually one in the summer or fall.)  These fellowships are infamous.  Ladies bring out their best dishes.  As for my friends, most of them are trying to eat and have their family eat healthy.  It is inspiring to talk with them and get ideas.  My best friend, Becki, is a high school culinary arts teacher.  I'm hoping she can give me some cooking lessons this summer.

2.  Have you ever thought of your overeating as an attempt to silence the cries of a hungry soul?  I hadn’t until I read this but I love this prospect and I hope that the Holy Spirit reminds me of this in times when I’m eating, but not really hungry.

3.  If you soul is like a ravenous vacuum cleaner, what kind of things has it sucked up over the years?  When I was in college, I drank.  After we were married and had kids, we stopped drinking.  Over the years I don’t know that I’ve replaced the drinking with eating but I think after 15 years of marriage and 2 kids I guess life just takes over.  I’m really bad at eating something salty and then something sweet and then something salty again.

4. Are you in the habit of depending on God for you daily needs as the Israelites did after they left Egypt?  Yes, I try to, but sometimes it’s too hard to give control.  I like to have a backup plan – just in case. 

What “manna” do you rely on most from God?  Probably peace and sanity.  I’ve suffer from depression and some other mental issues – most likely related to my Cerebral Palsy – most of more life.  I do take medication, but it is a daily struggle to fight day by day.  While there are things I can’t change; I have to trust that God is doing all things for my good.

5.  Have there been time in life when you struggled because you didn’t have what you needed?  I can’t really say I haven’t had what I needed.  I haven’t, however always taken advantage of them; especially medically.

How have the deprivations cause you to trust God that he can give what you to deal with food?    Where I’ve always had what I need, my live isn’t easy, but if I trust in God things seem to fall in place.  So, I know things we’ll be the same with my foods issues.

6.  “For He satisfies the thirsty and fills the hungry with good things.” Psalm 107:9.  How do you respond to this promise?  I love it.  It’s one I need to stick on my fridge and memorize. 

     If you could ask God for one good thing that would help you to fill a deep and soul-filling satisfaction, what would it be?   Probably Strength and the desire to eat healthier.

Made to Crave Blog Hop ~ Gaining a Soul-Filing Satisfaction

What satisfies my soul?  Chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream and candy corn.  Uhm, maybe not.

What I LOVE about doing the Made to Crave bible study is that it’s not just another diet book.  I honestly don’t know that I’ve lost any weight during this process.  But:

          I’m drinking more water.

          I’m taking a daily vitamin.

          I’m exercising more.

          I’m thinking twice about eating those Girl Scout Cookies.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I could definitely improve some things, but that’s not why I joined this study.  I joined this study because I wanted to crave God more than food; more than ANYTHING!  I've  love God for as long as I can remember.  But there are times when I doubt Him; times when my soul cries to Him “Why is my life so unfair?” and times when I simply think He just needs to see things “my way”.

Lysa Terkeurst said in the book “Over-stuffing ourselves with food or drinking until we get drunk or getting wrapped up in the affections of an adulterous relationship are all desperate attempts to silence the cries of a hungry soul.” (Made to Crave, p 129.)  WOW! This statement really spoke to me.  It reminds me of when Jesus met the woman at the well.  (John 4:1-42)  She said “Sir, give me this l water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” Too often we want a quick fix.   Life is difficult; just like it was difficult for that woman go out daily and get the water she needed.  She had totally missed the point of the living water that Jesus told her about.  We too can get caught up in things that we think will be satisfying, only to wind up with a craving greater than the one we started with.  In my experience I crave whatever I’m doing at that time. If I’m trying to eat right, my body craves healthy food and water, but if I’m putting junk in my body; this is going to be what I crave.  It’s the same with God.  If I’m reading His word daily, then I’m going to want to read more of it

Made to Crave ~ Chapter 12 ~ Curse of the Skinny Jeans

1.    What fantasies do you have about what life would be like at your ideal weight?  I would be able to walk better.  Barrett would keep saying how pretty I was and I’d just feel better.

Why do you think your weight has so much power to influence your outlook on life?  We live in a society that is more or less governed by what we look like.  If we don’t fit into that special mold, we don’t feel “normal”.  I struggle more with my CP with this than my weight.  No one wants to be the “odd my out”.  All my life, I’ve been judged by how I look, talk and walk.  Is it fair; no.  Is it normal; yes.  It isn’t until we can see ourselves and others as God see us, that we truly see who we are in Him and realize how much He loves us.

2.   What activities do you join in part or because of the foods that are associated with them?  Oh, there are so many!  Movies and popcorn, Christmas parties and favorite family treats.  Going on with my best friend and getting coffee.  Going to a church fellowship and know that you-know-who made her infamous dish…

What activities might lose attraction for you if food wasn’t involved?   Uhm, probably a lot more than I can think of right now.

3.   What other things besides God have you tied to your happiness?  My physical ability, whether or not people like me.  The behavior of my kids, the approval or disapproval by my husband…The list goes on.

Do you think it’s possible to be filled with joy even though you’re not where you want to be with you weight?  Theologically yes, but not until I can see myself as God sees me.

4.   Who are the incomplete people in your life?  I think the people I’m around the most are the ones I see as incomplete; mainly my husband and kids.

Are these people triggers to make you eat?  Yes, sometimes.

Are there ways you might be the incomplete person in someone’s life?  YES.

Are you able to look beyond people’s incompleteness to see their pain?  Sometimes, when I’m abiding in Jesus and his word, I’m able to be more understanding and sensitive to the needs than I am if I’m not.

5.    What do you think of the incomplete people in your life?  I want to fix them and to make them to become like me.

How might a compassionate act of kindness change the way you feel about the incomplete person?  I think that anytime we can get out of ourselves and truly serve and give to someone else, then we’re going to understand them better.

How might it change how you feel about yourself and your on incompleteness? When we truly focus on the gifts that God has blessed us with and not our flaws, then I think we can be happier and allow Him to work through us.

Whimsical Wednesday ~ Why I'm a Stay - at - Home - Mama

I am currently reading the book Passionate Housewives Desperate for God by Jennie Chancey and Stacy McDonald.  I've wanted to read this for a while now and finally broke down and got it.  I must say, I love it.  My sister, Stacia, (who's 19 years younger than me) just got married and had her first baby.  I was talking to her last night and she’s anxious to get back out into world.  I urged to her to enjoy this time; her daughter will never be a month old again.  I can totally understand her need to get out and be social.  It’s hard to go from the life where you free to go and do as you please, to someone who has another human being that’s relying on you to fulfill their every need.  We live in a society that devalues the mother who chooses to stay at home.  Our mom was a stay at home mom up until I was a freshman in high school, when she went to nursing school.  I was so proud of her, but it really put a strain on the family.  She was always exhausted.  I mean yes she was still a great mother and a fantastic nurse.  But her time was divide and it really took a toll on her.

Still not convince, I started college with every intention of being a “career woman”.  I wanted to be a super social worker during the day and a super wife and super mama at night.  I knew I had what it took to do it and be all.  What change my mind?  I had a lot of friends in college who were married, married with kid, divorced with kids and single with kids.  Some of them were working one or more jobs just to make ends meet.   They were are great moms, but it just seemed like something was missing.  As I thought about trying to do it all with a physical disability.  I feared that my husband or my children would get the short end of my stick.  I could not even stand the thought of that happening. 

I’m all for women right – minus abortion -, but I do believe a woman’s husband and her children are her top priority. A woman’s choice to work or stay home should be between her, her husband and God.  

Barrett ~ My One True Love

Last week was Valentine's Day.  Needless to say this isn't Barrett's favorite holiday.  However, he did surprise me with lunch and this beautiful rose.  

Growing I fell into the trap that many women (and men too, I suppose)  fall into, that February 14th is the most romantic day of the year.  When I was single, I longed to be with someone on this day above all days because I wanted to feel special and loved.

Some of you know the story of how Barrett and I met, but if you don't, here it is:

In May of 1997, I took a 2 week philosophy class.  It had to be one of the hardest classes I ever took.  We were in class 6 hours a day five days a week.  At this point Barrett was doing morning news at WGNS.  So, he would come to the building the class was in about an hour before class.  Soon I found myself getting ther early too, just to talk to him.

I had just been rejected by a guy, and I had started truly praying to meet someone.  I didn't want just someone to "date", I wanted someone I could build a life with.  Many of my friends were getting married and starting their "adult" lives, if  you will and I longed for this too. 

Within 2 weeks of knowing Barrett, I knew this was the guy I would marry.  Everyone thought I was cray.  There was only one slight problem; Barrett just wanted to be "friends".  (Oh, BTW, never tell a guy after 2 weeks of knowing him that you love him and you want to spend the rest of your life with him; it may not be received too well.  Just saying). 

So, we began our year of "friendship".  We went out a couple times of week, we spoke on the phone for hours at night.  I spent hours praying and crying myself to sleep at night; hoping that one day he might love me as much as I loved him.

Looking back, I'm so thankful to God for giving us this year of friendship to really get to know each other.  I can truly say, I married my best friend!

Valentine Day 1998 was bitter sweet.  I was in my last year of college.  I was taking 15 hours, plus doing an internship at Domestic Violence.  I was sick and exhausted most of the time.  On Valentine Day, Barrett took me to Crackle Barrel.  No, he didn't confess his dying love to me, but he did get me this throw that I'd had my eye on.

In May, a year after we met he did say he loved me and we were married in November. It'll be 17 years this may since we met.  WOW!!!  Does Barrett always love me like I think he should? No 
Do I always love him like he thinks I should?  NO.  However, I know that if we continual to love the Lord and let Him grow our marriage, it will be very successful.