Why do we
compare ourselves to others? It’s funny
that our society has most people playing tug-of-war with our self: We are to
find our own uniqueness, yet we are to do it within expectations. It’s ok to be different, as long as it kept
within our little box. WHAT??? This is a bit confusing isn’t it? So is it any wonder that we have people
walking around not sure what to do? Have
joy in being unique, but do it while conforming to others.
We all have expectations put on us. As a disabled woman, some people are really
surprised that I’m married and have two kids.
It’s acceptable that I went to college and got my degree. Good for you.
But you found someone to love you.
WOW! The first question people
asked is; “Is he disabled too?” (Now,
before I go on let me just say I’m all for disabled people marrying whomever
they choose.) But a lot of time people
assume that because I’m disabled then my husband must be disabled too. He is not.
So, obviously we do not have a typical marriage in some ways, while in
others it’s very typical. I’m a stay-at-home-mom. It’s my job to the “normal” mom things; keep
the house clean, do laundry, do the shopping, make meals etc. I may not do things the same way that
“non-disabled” moms do but my kids and husband know that I love them and care
for them.
I can remember when my kids were
newborns and people would come to visit and want to pace with them back and
forth to sooth them. I had to ask people
to please not do this. I wasn’t trying
to be mean or ungrateful, but I didn’t want the kids to get used to this, because I knew I couldn’t pace with them, and
as their primary care giver, I knew this couldn’t be one their comfort
mechanism that I could offer them.
Conforming isn't always bad. I love being a wife and mother. But I tend to compare myself too often with
those women who don’t have my physical challenges and start thinking things
like; “A good mama can drive and she goes to all her son’s basketball games”,
or “A good mama can teach her daughter how to sew”. I let what is expected of a normal mother
dictate how I’m supposed to be a mother, all the while forgetting on slight
detail – I’m not “normal”. Uhm, oh
yeah! It can be very easy to fall into
that trap of if you aren’t like the norm, then you’re not good enough. This is a lie from Satan.
Once
I realize that I cannot live up to this standard, that’s when I can allow my uniqueness
to step in and help me to adapt and do stuff the way the way I need to in order
to be that good wife and mother that I want to be.
